October 24, 2012

Top 10: Famous animals that had it worse than David Krejci

ByJesse Connolly

In case you’ve somehow missed it, David Krejci spoke candidly with a Czech media outlet about the lockout the other day. The Bruins’ star center thinks the whole thing stinks (worse than those crappy sticks he had a couple of years ago). But more importantly, he thinks Gary Bettman treats players like animals.

Who would’ve ever guessed that playing a game for $5 million a year was all that bad and worthy of feeling treated like an animal? I happen to know of a few famous creatures that’d take offense to Krejci’s commentary. Here are the top ten:

10. Free Willy

David Krejci: Got to star in a Stanley Cup championship DVD.

Willy: Contractually forced to make crappy kids movies that go straight to DVD. 

9. Babe the pig

David Krejci: Entitled to a per diem meal allowance as member of NHLPA.

Babe: Eventually became bacon.

8. Toto from the Wizard of Oz

David Krejci: Probably drives around in an expensive sports car.

Toto: Traveled in a picnic basket.

7. Taco Bell Chihuahua

David Krejci: Fulfilled dream of being drafted by NHL team at age 18.

Chihuahua: Fired by Taco Bell at age 6. Died of stroke at 15.

6. Mr. Ed

David Krejci: Thinks playing 82 regular season hockey games is really boring.

Mr. Ed: Had to say, “Oh, Wilbur!” every week for eight years. Never complained.

5. Comet from Full House

David Krejci: Gets to hang around with really cool people like Shawn Thornton and Andrew Ference.

Comet: Forced to work with Dave Coulier and that guy from America’s Funniest Home Videos for eight seasons.

4. Wishbone

David Krejci: Wears cool jersey at work, gets paid millions.

Wishbone: Had to dress up like an a**hole as Don Quixote, got paid Beggin Strips.  

3. Bubbles

David Krejci: Job as hockey player causes bruises, occasional scars.

Bubbles: Job as Michael Jackson’s best friend caused unspeakable emotional scars. 

2. Lassie

David Krejci: Bails out team with late goal. Deemed a hero on front page of newspaper.

Lassie: Helps save Timmy’s life for the 89th time. No one cares. 

1. Secretariat

David Krejci: Thinks lockout is a sticky situation.

Secretariat: Sticks to everything post trip to glue factory.

Jesse Connolly can be reached at jconnolly@hockeyjournal.com. Follow him on Twitter at @JesseNEHJ.