It's that time of year again. The NHL Draft has come and gone, the free-agent frenzy is fizzling out and we're three long, hot, sweaty -- where is this going? -- months away from the start of the 2013-14 (oh, that, thank God!) season.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so we here at New England Hockey Journal have ripped through our rolodexes with more fervor, determination and will to win than Tyler Seguin at a high-stakes beer pong game, dead set on combing through all of our contacts and keeping you apprised of all that's happening on Causeway Street.
So what's the 411 on the Black and Gold? Our sources say...
* Word has it that Tuukka Rask is on the cusp of signing a lucrative eight-year deal with Boston that'd lock him up through the age of 35, but it's "highly unlikely" he'll be a Bruin for life.
"Absolutely impossible," our source firmly stated. "What's the life expectancy in the U.S. these days? Actually, unless you can name an 84-year-old NHL goalie, don't bother looking it up."
After hammering home his logical reasoning, the insider went on a rant about semantics.
"I mean, come on! A Bruin for life?" he vehemently pondered. "What a joke that phrase is. We all know he's played for teams other than the Bruins. It's not like Harry Sinden lurked over his mother in a Finnish hospital 26 years ago and called dibs, right?"
A second source is currently investigating Harry Sinden's whereabouts in March of 1987.
* An insider entrenched within the Bruins' organization spoke with us on the condition of anonymity regarding the failed attempt to sign former Senators captain Daniel Alfredsson.
"We told him flat out, 'No, you can't have Gregory Campbell's jersey number,'" the staff member said, intimating Alfredsson's request to wear No. 11 for the B's was denied. "Have you seen how many f***ing memes are out there from when the Soupster broke his leg? People eat that s**t up! Bravery! Bruins hockey! Tough SOBs! We'd look so bad if we said, 'Hey, thanks for that, Greg, but you're never going to the Hall of Fame so you can wear No. 58 from now on.'"
Alfredsson promptly signed with Detroit following the call.
* A source down in Texas phoned us earlier today to squash a rumor regarding Tyler Seguin's decision to wear No. 91 for the Dallas Stars, insisting he just flipped around his old No. 19.
"Tyler loves to be a jokester," she said, "but this has nothing to do with the fact that the sh***y sequel to Problem Child came out in '91. That's a little too complex to expect from him, given his body of work on Twitter."
But one thing did come as a surprise to our insider down in the Lone Star State.
"With all the 'hacking' he's been prone to lately," she said, "I can't believe one of his buddies didn't crack his email and tell the Stars he'd like to wear No. 69."